Defeat
I suffered down the long, brutal path of recognition. It started with the very next casino I downloaded and lasted until I had lost much more money than I actually had. In between there was just enough winning to cause me to continue further into the hole. It seemed that every moment of my life was occupied with thoughts of some huge mystical win that would validate all my calculations. I chased it like an obsession for many months. In between I began to learn some important things that would ultimately save me from the illusion I had created.
The first thing I learned was a new appreciation of life. When it seems you have nothing, you begin to realize that what remains is most important; physical and mental health. Less philosophically, I also began learning how to properly play each of the casino games, blackjack in particular. Once I realized it was purely a mathematical pursuit, I began to plant the seeds of my recovery. I learned about the casinos and all the different kinds of software. I learned how the industry worked by learning how to research. I learned about bonuses. I learned about the importance of record keeping and money management. And finally I learned that when it comes to playing the games, the casino ALWAYS has the edge.
How we react when we reach the bottom typically defines us as individuals. The bottom came for me when I had all the money to my name in one casino. I went on a wild winning streak playing several different games. I was winning so much that I once again began to think that I had figured out the way to beat the house. I was up much more money than I had lost previously. My mind became clouded with thoughts of all the things I would buy. Then the inevitable, seemingly impossible streak of losses came and I was reduced to absolute zero. After I lost, what I remember most is that it was physically hard to breathe.<div style="font-size: xx-small;color: #0000ff;display: inline-block;text-align: center;width: 100%;">
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